Standing for My Marriage was a Calling from God- My Testimony
I knew from the moment my husband left that it wasn’t over. I knew in the depths of my soul that I was being called to stand for my marriage. I didn’t recognize it at first, but looking back, I can see it. I remember the feelings I had in my gut and can see know what that was all about.
Do I think everyone is called to stand for their marriage – no. If there is any abuse; absolutely not and it is important to seek professional help.
Outside of abuse, I truly believe that anything can be resolved in a marriage. I saw a post early on in my separation that said, “You are not fighting for your marriage alone, you are just fighting for your marriage first.” WOW! That hit he heart hard. It was my truth.
I believe that if God wants you to stand for your marriage, He will tell you, show you, instruct you. Are you going to be open to it though? Are you going to trust Him with the process and trust Him that He knows best for you?
I was constantly asked by the few people I confided in ‘ what are you going to do?’ ‘ what is best for you and your kids?’ ‘What are your next steps?’
I could never answer those questions. Even when my husband asked me, I could not answer him.
He was dead set on not coming back to me. His words and actions supported that. There were times that I questioned if I was wrong for what I was doing and believing. I chose to stand strong and not question God. I took all of those endless questions back to the Lord in prayer and he delivered. The only peace I had was trusting in the Lord’s words and visions.
I never reached out to my husband first. Sometimes I would receive random texts from him that. Just a quick message or two. Rarely he would call me, and we would end up in a multiple hour-long conversation. One specific conversation, he told me he loved me and called me “baby”. That was another sign from God. It wasn’t over. Keep standing.
The week prior to my husband coming home I was full of anxiety and tears. I was not able to fully control my emotions, my thoughts or my feelings. My nervous system was crashing daily. I made a therapy appointment for the next week. It was a Tuesday.
I leaned into my faith more. I leaned into my routine more.
In the morning, I take the kids to school. I spend my day working at my job. I finish work and do dinner and clean up. At 7, I do yoga. At 8, I read my bible. At 9:30, I go to bed. Before I go to sleep, I say my prayers.
That was my routine. Everyday.
It was finally Tuesday, the day of my therapy appointment. We talked about the fleshly things going on with my husband. She knew I was standing for my marriage. She advised me to do a couple of things, but they didn’t feel right or sit well. Then she advised me to reach out to him daily and just ask if he needed anything from me. To let him know that I was there and I cared. By the end of my hour-long appointment, my husband messaged me.
Just a meme. I responded. That was it.
3 hours later, he texted me. This one was different. He wanted to come sleep at the apartment that is attached to our house. I knew it was a sign from God. Things were shifting. It was a small shift. I wasn’t going to see him. I wasn’t going to talk to him. I was just going to be in peace that he was on the same property as me.
I had an after-hours meeting at work that night. After I had logged into that, he text me again. He needed soap for his shower. Then he asked me to bring it over. My heart was racing. I didn’t know what to expect being face-to-face with him. There were only 3 times in the previous 44 days that we had been face-to-face and they didn’t end well.
I said a prayer and walked over to deliver his soap.
Within 3 minutes of our conversation, he looked at me, told me to come closer to him and kissed me. That was that. He came home that night.
It has now been 3 weeks since he came home. Has everyday been rainbows and butterflies? No, not at all. There are still hurts and pains. There were conversations that needed to happen. There were things that needed to be said. Overall, in the following days, we decided to choose each other and choose God. We chose to finally do something we had never done in the previous 17 years of our relationship – Put God at the helm of our marriage.
Standing for my marriage has become my testimony that there is a God. Undeniably.
He is the God of suddenly. He is the God of the unexpected. He is the God of miracles.
I lived through undeniable truth that God is with us. God is guiding us. God is talking to us. God will not fail. God has love for us. God rewards us when we listen and follow his plan. When we surrender to Him. When we let go of our control and put our faith and trust in Him to the test. God will not fail you.
If you are in a similar situation, where you are being called to stand for your marriage, or anything else, are you opening your heart to God? Are you fully surrendering to God’s commands?
Isaiah 7: 9 “If you do not stand firm in your faith; you will not stand at all.”
Sometimes the hardest thing we can do is be still and wait. For me, that was the most beneficial times. I sat still for 3 days and felt all my pains and emotions. I cut off the world (except my kids) and said with all the heaviness. I felt called to do it.
I sat for weeks in the still and calm of no communication from my husband. I knew the Lord was at work in ways I would never be able to see. It wasn’t my place to see them. It was my place to trust in Him.
Lamentations 2:25-26 “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”
I encourage you to use your decrement for standing for what the Lord is calling you to do. To open your heart and mind to Him. Let him fill you with His love and guidance.
Today, we are going to end in prayer. This is a deviation of a prayer that I would repeat every single day.
Lord, I am praying for my husband and my marriage. Please remove the ego within our hearts and replace it with humility. Remove any hatred with love. Remove unforgiveness and replace it with understanding. Replace fear with faith and trust in you Lord. Continue to guide us to your full surrendering and obedience. I release all outcomes of my marriage to you Lord. I trust your promise over any earthly doings. I release all negative influences and third-party interferences that are causing roadblocks to your divine covenant. Lord, please protect my husband wherever he is. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
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